The Nose Conspiracy | Storytime

In an effort to create space on my phone, I decided to go through my photos and make some necessary cuts to my collection. Now, I’m a firm believer that phones say a lot about their owners; being overly observant and nosy has its perks (for once). Whether the owner has a really old case (either too lazy to change it or very practical and doesn’t see the importance of having a ‘pretty’ case), or a flamboyant fluorescent object that just happens to also function as a case on the side of having credit card slots/ a pocket for change/ a compact mirror/a gum dispenser/a gps/ spare kleenex (the girl who is always behind in her daily life because she is too busy living it up on Twitter *cough* Tumblr) —¬†the point is- I notice these things.

Items as personal as phones reflect us in some way. But the interior- the junk that appears once you unlock the phone- that is as intriguing as the latest Stella McCartney runway show. Apps aside, I am referring directly to the photos on our phones. Not necessarily because I care to see the selfies I imagine people take of themselves, because the selfies are no way as near as interesting as the photos we take of things we like or that make us think. When we photograph things, we want to remember them so we can later go back and go back to the train of thought we had when we first saw the item.

ANYWAY, I was reminded of some thoughts I had when I went to the Met in New York recently. After looking at sculpture after sculpture, I noted a trend in the profiles of their faces, and I had to take pictures so I could compare with others. Now looking back on them, I strangely feel like I should justify to people why they are on my phone and make sure I’m not the only person who find this funny (I need to make sure that I’m not weird).

Behold, a peek at things I find weird/thought provoking:

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My first instinct was to think of Mads Mikkelsen. Now I can’t stop seeing it. i can’t stop laughing either.¬†

 

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He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. He’s back.¬†

 

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You guys must see the pattern now, right?

 

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Now there’s a family of them!!!?!

Alright. This will sound either stupid, or like I’m reading too deep into the situation.

I consider the photos above reason to believe that Voldemort is very much alive and was angry that artists back in the day did not pay homage to his gloriously flat face (no offense to Ray Fiennes) and thus invaded the Met at some point in time and yelled some sort of spell that severed the noses of every ancient bust on display.

Here’s a more¬†plausible¬†and boring conclusion: maybe the employees at the Met don’t get paid enough and instead of going on strike, they figured they’d attack the artwork since that would express their invisible¬†anger towards their bosses.

And here’s what I REALLY think happened¬†: A pretentious curator at the Met calmly perused the sculptures before they went up and found all their noses to be ugly, and instead of wasting money on a sculpture surgeon (okay I obviously know that is not a profession, I just liked the way that sounded in my head), he was Mr. Do-It-Yourself ¬†and took out his trusty chisel and mallet and screwed it up thinking he had better taste in noses than the Greeks and Romans. By¬†then, he was frantic- he had to do something. He probably trembled, thinking to himself,¬†Julius and Augustus are turning in their coffins as I operate on their cultural treasures WITHOUT EVEN A DEGREE IN MEDICINE.¬†So then, he pulled out the next best thing, which was his daughter’s silly putty that he accidentally brought with him, and he smacked that on the noses, but that slid off of the noses to his dismay. As he felt the end of his career approaching, he fell feebly to his knees and begged the Roman and Greek gods to show him the¬†path to¬†artistic enlightenment. He smacked his forehead, chastising himself for thinking like Narcissus, and curled into the fetal position next to a statue of a chubby cherub (I am killing it with these alliterations!) and waited to be found and fired.

But then, out of nowhere, a light shone from above. The now dusty curator looked up, suddenly blinded by a white light. He meekly asked, “Zeus?” A¬†voice came out of the intercom instead, announcing that any damaged sculptures would soon be seen by a visiting specialist in refurbishing pieces. The light went off.¬†Hmm. The man might refurbish their noses. But the continuity- it would only work if I were consistent!¬†The curator¬†looked up again, slyly. He pocketed the chisel and mallet and whipped out a much heavier hammer that he didn’t remember having before, and he sprinted through the entire backroom, smashing every. Single. Nose. Not one statue was left untouched. The man had no time to admire his work, so he fled the scene.

And that is how the noses of so many statues now look flat. You’re welcome.

xoxo

 

Gotham.

A rather impressive (by my standards, at least) assortment of pictures of the big APPLE (see what I did there? *raises brows*)

Also keep in mind that some of the pictures are from my phone, so excuse the quality- this is really more of me adding commentary to stuff that I saw/ate/stared at.

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“N…Y…C…Just got here this morning…Three bucks, two bags, one meee”

If you don’t know the song I quoted please reconsider your taste in musicals.

Anyway, let me whisk you off for a bit and share my experience in New York through pictures. We stayed near the touristy spots so we wouldn’t have to walk very far to get to the fun areas. Unfortunately, I got pink eye after day one, so I got to wear my glorious glasses every.single.day. after that. That is why I didn’t show up so much in photos here, but also so I could be the one to snap creepy candids of my family, which were unwillingly taken but now look hilarious.

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Behold!! The Russian Tea Room where Fran from “the Nanny” hangs out casually with Mr. Sheffield. 90’s sitcoms taught me about New York well. ¬†They charge extra per table if you want personal breathing space.

Next stop was Central Park!

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Oh you expected a shot of the actual park. Nope. This Colombian guy selling coffee out of the back of his vintage Colombian car made my whole family stop and have a mutual moment of respect/awe/admiration. Bonus points for him for wearing the authentic hat.
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The queen of coffee, Juan Valdez. I don’t do caffeine period- but I went to hear the familiar accent in spanish and for the lemonade, which they prepare differently and I swear it tastes like home.

 

 

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At left: a bu√Īuelo (fried cheese dough), and in front, a sweet arepa with fresh cheese.

I confess I smelled the two items above when my parents weren’t looking. They got coffee on my behalf, which I also smelled too, because the smell is heavenly.

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In a surge of pride or maybe because I was happy the weather was nice, I stood in front of the cafe. Not pictured: the lemonade I was desperately trying to make last, and the napkins I took as a souvenir.

 

Okay, here is a story for these food items. Now I know the vegan community is HUGE in NYC, so I found this place called Fresh & Co. where all they do is make these gigantic salads for you. You better believe I was happy. I almost high fived the lady making my salad. If you were wondering, it was called the Superfood bowl, and I got falafel on it.

On the right, there’s those squishy pouch things. I was in a pop up food market with kiosks and food trucks, and this girl came up to me from a start up trying to sell healthy wholesome products. I said no because I had no cash on me, but then I saw her shirt which said “Cruelty Free” on it, which always represents the Vegan community, so I automatically started talking to her and telling her that it was good to spread the message around. Long story short, she was so excited to meet another vegan that she gave me three packets free of charge. And they were delicious!

And now I’ll segue into the architecture aspect of my trip.

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The Empire building, from an angle that makes it look small and generic (my bad)
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A siren near 30 Rock, that appears to be squishing Ursula from the Little Mermaid into a pulp.
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A cool shot of Broadway or Lexington that I took with an outstretched arm because I am terrified of heights and can’t stand near windows this high up, hence the windowsill.
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Jersey trying to be cool with its own skyscrapers. Its a solid effort, but is it really competing with the next photo?
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No, no its not. It’s okay Newark, you tried.
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Spotted: the Bard standing alone mid thought in Central Park on the Literary Walk, also being the only statue to be facing the wrong way. He was a trendsetter in life, and posthumously too.  Damn William.
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You know, the smell of this underground area does not do the architecture justice. Not to mention the dog I cut out of the shot who was smugly pooping in the corner. Anyway, this is where Serena and Blair talked in season one of Gossip Girl. This is also near the water fountain where the intro to Friends was filmed, I believed- don’t quote me, I was never big on Friends.
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St. Patrick’s Catholic Church. I still don’t get how they fit this church in the tiny block it takes up.
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This contraption that looks like two white plastic combs sticking out of the ground is apparently a train/subway station? It is next to the World Trade Center.
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This was me in awe of how pretty the Manhattan Community College is in comparison to the community colleges I have seen elsewhere.
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Don’t get it twisted, I could not tell you anything about the Federal Office Building right there. But WAIT that’s a balloon dog, like the ones by Jeff Koons!!! That deserves a picture.
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I’ll give you a break of my writing now while you stare at Long Island.

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And this was where I stood on top of the country in the Freedom Tower, which deserves credit for a lot of the shots in this post.
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Bad jokes aside, I had a moment of silence here at the 9/11 memorial.

And NOW the Met! Which let’s face it- it was a major factor in my wanting to visit NYC again. From left to right, audacious Madame X (who was actually that white in life), and this creepy lady that I forgot I had taken a picture of. Imagine a lifesize cutout of her pasted on your enemy’s wall.

Some Manet for you…

Some sculptures that I stared at for a while in the sculpture gallery. And a friendly tip for you today: the sculpture gallery is a great place to eat a snack inconspicuously.

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A little (ironic because this painting takes up almost a whole wall) Matisse for you as well…

Van Gogh, who cut off his ear but seemed to get even more artistic after doing so. The portrait on the right has a great background, if you want something to stare at without thinking.

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This was one of my favorites. It’s a picture of a woman in the sixties, so you get the big hair, the cat-eye, and the ultimate “you’ll-never-be-me-MWAH-HA-HA” face.
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When you slay as a building and you know it.

I know I already said this, but more is coming! Thanks for reading!

xoxo

What’s to Come

 

I took an obvious break from BraidsnBooks because I was not at home for a while. My family and I decided to go on a trip up to the concrete jungle that is NYC, and since I am still trying to download the photos from my camera, this is what I got for now…but you wait…it’s going to be a massive.photo.dump.

I got you covered from photos of the mundane, like the sidewalk (which was pretty important in my opinion- I mean its Marc Jacobs!!) To architecture, such as the beautiful Saint Laurent flagship on fifth avenue, to a shot of Piet Mondrian (shoutout to YSL again and his 1960’s reincarnation of Mondrian’s work).

Prepare yourselves for the largest photo dump this blog has yet to see. I may actually break it into segments to avoid it getting tedious, for both you and me.

In short, I’m back!

Just imagine me saying that like this:¬†I’m baaaaaaaaaaccccck! *annoyingly wide smile*

Hope you all have peace, hugs, and stars today!

xoxo

the Sun also Sets Quickly.

Days until I leave for college: 5 (!!!)

I returned to Kemah Boardwalk for the first time since 2010. ¬†I was thirteen then, which added to the nostalgia and my growing awareness of just how old I really am. I realized that my parents don’t always remember to bring a camera along so we can look back on what we did, so I did! I’m not sure how I looked with both a cross-body bag and a camera bag crisscrossing over my outfit…oh well!¬†
At first it was all nice and light and full of late afternoon laziness…
When we got there, we had just been cooped up in a car for two and a half hours, so we walked around a bit to liven up our legs, and if you were me, you hobbled about to pop your knees. After a bit, we stopped trying to ignore the fact that we were all secretly starving even though we had eaten pretty recently. We popped into the Flying Dutchman (I promise its real, I’m not referencing Spongebob), and we stared at the sunset. It was so nice, that I didn’t even take pictures, preferring to just stare at it. And then stuff my face later with food.¬†
Everyone runs away the moment I pull out a camera…fine…I see how it is…

And the sun set between the time we sat down to eat and the time we decided to pull out the camera…

 And then my brother took over the camera and asked me to poseРjust kidding, he wanted to take a picture of the ocean behind me, and I was in the frame, so he told me to smile anyway.

The picture minus mom equals me, probably not smiling. See? She was necessary.

¬†My mom didn’t want the pictures to miss out on her presence. It was totally understandable.¬†

I called him Kemah Kat. He does’t actually answer to it, though, surprisingly.¬†

¬†I SAW A CAT. We spotted three around all of the boardwalk, actually, but this was the closest the cat ever came to me. I tried to make it come closer by staring at it without blinking, but it sadly didn’t work, and my contacts got dry and burned, so that was clearly was not one of my stellar ideas.

Even typing this post I’m laughing at this picture, because that is my face when I’m not in resting bitch face.¬†

This is what I got in return from my brother after I asked at least thirty times for a picture that I quote “won’t make me look lazy, tired, gross, or anything else with a negative connotation.” (“I run a blog, you know, Nick. I have to look decent.”) I’m still trying to check off at least one of those requirements, but I got kick out of this picture anyways.

Why can’t this pole just not exist?! I like everything else about the picture!!!?!!!
Oh, my top is Stradivarius,my shorts are by Gap, my bag is from fossil, my flip-flops are from AE, and my earrings are Colombian. 

My brother and I got on the ferris wheel- my favorite because I like the views- and we got our own gondola, and my parents got the next one, so every seven seconds, they floated past and waved at us. By now, it was pretty late though, so we really just saw the distant scattered lights on the bay, a relaxing view regardless.

An imposing structure built to scare and torment me. 

Fun fact: I’m terrified of rides that try to scare you by using speed and height. But I was also feeling excited after going on another ride that’s not pictured here called the Aviator, and that one happens to go pretty high for me, so I made another nonsensical decision and promised my mom I would go on this ride picture above called the Pharaoh’s Fury. I don’t really feel obligated to tell you if I carried out that promise.

The gondola on the far right- my parents were in there! 
For the memories and nostalgia of being surrounded by hundreds of people I don’t know, and the funnel cake people would trail on the ground, and the soda left everywhere, and the constant smell of sweat, not sea salt, I’ll say I had fun. No, really though, I had fun.¬†
Just a friendly tip, though; don’t wear dangly earrings when its windy out. Don’t ask.¬†
Courtesy of yours truly. 
Thanks for reading!!!
P.S. I didn’t go on it. She thinks I’ll make it up to her “next time”. *laughs nervously*

Trekking About the Pacific Northwest: Seattle

Recently, I was lucky enough to travel up to the Washington area for a little bit. My parents and my brother tagged along (just kidding, actually I tagged along for this trip) and so we all fled the stifling Texas heat in search of a change of scenery and relaxation. Cue the alarms going off at 4:45 A.M. around my house and a half hour of insanity in which we all shoved suitcases and bags into my dad’s car and piled into it like sardines. Within two hours, we were power walking into the airport and I was moping about my back pains courtesy of my crappy packing skills- or lack of any packing skills at all- and then, moping because I was the lucky passenger who was blessed with the seat in front of the toddler with hyperactive legs.¬†

**Fast forward four hours of Symphony of “Pummeling Sarah’s Seat into a Pulp No. 1″**

Yaaaaaay Seattle! You have no idea how wonderful your weather is compared to the kind around here in Texas. That being said, you all cannot possibly complain about it being hot right now up there. I just can’t process that, sorry.

On to the cool stuff, like the places I went to! And feel free to take this as a fellow tourist’s advice on where to go in Seattle that’s worth going; take this as my gift to you…a ‘no-frills’ list of places to go to.¬†

Pike Place Market: Just do it. Its got food, and a cool market where you can find great vintage products, watch people toss fish around, buy miscellaneous items that you will stare at for a solid hour, and it has the first Starbucks EVER. Lost in Pike Place trying to find it? Just look for the ridiculous line. You have a 99.99% chance of finding it. 

Hi mom. Hi glasses, and post flight hair and expressions of exhaustion. 

Starbucks Downsides: its always crowded, so you may have to elbow some people to get a picture in front of the sign that proves you were there. 
Upside: the workers are really nice! They entertain you while you wait in the long line, and basically reel you in and keep you from giving up on them. 

This plaque meets you when you walk in.
I spelled it out for them too. What does the world have against the letter h? ūüėÄ

Photographic evidence. 

If you are in front of this sign, you came to the right place.


Seattle Space Needle: I’ll just mention that I’ve been to the San Antonio Space Needle, and while it was beautiful, I imagined something different when we got to the Seattle one. So you can imagine my apathy when we stood in an equally extensive line, and went up a similar elevator. But the view this time was totally worth it. Seattle is gorgeous from up here, so its great for a bunch of photos. I went the¬†clich√© route and posted about it on my¬†Instagram. So go up the thing. Its worth the view.¬†




The Piers!!!: I walked down to the Waterfront with my family, and we just walked along the piers. I believe we walked from Pier 62 to Pier 52, and we popped into the Seattle Aquarium, where I saw the cutest otters i have yet to see, and then took some¬†embarrassing¬†photos of the wind attacking and defeating my hair and sunglasses and map that I had¬†been using to¬†shield¬†myself from the sun with. Finally, we ate dinner at Ivar’s, where I had to surrender and eat seafood because nothing vegan or vegetarian was available. (Ooh, quick¬†recommendation¬†for Ivar’s- my dad¬†praises them highly for their paella)¬†

I got grilled salmon at Ivar’s. It came with a cool mustard infused sauce and mushrooms. 5 out of 5.


And now…drumroll please…the food.

Because I already threw so much text at you today, I will go easy on you and keep this as brief as I can. Oh, and you can find all of these on Yellow Pages if you need to locate them:

‘Biscuit Bitch’ aka Caffe Lieto: breakfast spot that was recommended generously by locals. Not vegan friendly, just so you know beforehand.

the Crumpet Shop at Pike Place: crumpets. I think that was an easy decision for breakfast as well. Also very recommended. Psst…psst.. get strawberry preserves. Thank me later.

le Panier: one word. Macarons. Okay bye.

Japonessa: Near the Seattle Art Museum aka SAM. Its delicious sushi. I got a vegetarian roll, but then my inner foodie had to taste a tempura spicy tuna roll with avocado…it was delicious too. Definitely perfect for sharing.

And now some places where I was told to go but Alas!- I ran out of days and money to keep it up. {Also, I was gaining weight, so as a family we decided to go the healthier route and just get coffee at Starbucks instead for breakfast. Except for me. I’m a die hard tea fan.}

Morsel: for Breakfast. Sorry, I have no suggestions here!

Toulouse Petit: I think I heard they have good etouffee?? And tasty grits. I also overheard a hotel concierge telling other tourists that its veggie-friendly. As a southerner it sounds pretty cool. and anything ‘cruelty free’ gets my attention.

Paseo: I was told to get a Cuban sandwich here with pulled pork.

Pike Place Chowder: besides being easy to locate due to its name, they have apparently the best chowder in Seattle. And fellow vegans- they have VEGAN chowder. Whoop whoop!!

And oh the coffee shops! Be still my beating heart. The amount of times I had random and creative infusions of fruit and herbal teas stuns me. Some names off the top of my head; Storyville, Caffe Vita, Caffe Fiore, and TopPot Doughnuts. And no, I didn’t have a doughnut there. And only my parents got coffee. But they stared at their cups longingly when they finished it, and I know that’s a good thing.

Seattle, thanks for being so great! And keep up the good food! And Starbucks, just keep on keeping on. Clearly you get it right all the time.

My view from the Space Needle.

Hope I helped anyone else who is flirting with the idea of visiting Seattle as well but is also a martian like me and is overwhelmed by the places to go and by the rich culture! I cannot wait to go back!

PS. the metro-rail rail is your friend.

Thanks for reading!