I found myself walking around the Oscar de La Renta exhibition at the Museum of Fine Arts the day before NYE and staring at the most amazing woven tapestry style coat and while I kept strolling, I began to reflect on the past year. It’s weird because I saw this bizarre trend on Instagram where people were turning their stories into these extended summaries of their year, where they posted a snap of each month (which sidenote – who on earth has the time to save all those photographs for a year, then remembers to go back and retrieves them, puts them in an orderly fashion, complete with captions, filters, hashtags – I digress – so I’ll just continue going through them like the nosy person I am) mentioning the memorable moments. Many people posted their personal achievements and stuff they did, and to be honest, it made me feel like a voyeur witnessing shameless bragging.
I was really saddened when I began to feel very unaccomplished and small … don’t you feel small and overwhelmed when you sit on social media for too long? … oh … okay, just me then… Anyway, I tend to get really anxious when I see what people are doing, which more power to them, that is great – but I got sucked into the byproduct of the annoying mosh pit of judgement and jealousy and comparison that appears in the center of all the people who simply came to praise themselves.
But doesn’t that also sound really pompous? Well, on one hand, it is great to feel acknowledgement when you publish a photo on Instagram documenting your weightless journey, or a photo celebrating your anniversary. But on the other hand, with the mosh pit I just mentioned, it really sucks to feel like you aren’t at the same level that everyone else seems to be at, and it seems insensitive and almost offensive (from this bitter and jaded perspective) to receive notifications of people saying “yay me, look at what I did this year, clap for me!”
All bitterness aside, these ideas and feelings flashed through my mind at a mile a minute as I also tried to calculate the price of this tapestry coat (roughly ten thousand dollars if it’s OdLR couture, so not accessible to me in this lifetime) and I came to what I think is the most mature and grown up solution to this self imagined situation.
Quick disclaimer* I
hate strongly dislike resolutions as they feel forced and fake to me, and 9 times out of 10 they are not carried out. Something about this tapestry coat spoke to me though. So I made a mental note that I guess qualifies as a resolution because it was within a 24 hour parameter of the end of the year…bleh to
1) stop being so negative because it most likely sending out negative vibes and bringing me down
2) stop simply saying that I will stop comparing myself to other people and just do it already
3) stop using social media so much since I clearly have once again developed a dependence on social media and the need to feel validated/acknowledged in order to see myself as someone worthwhile
After coming up with this list I smiled to myself, finally prepared for the new year and finally feeling fulfilled. Okay so moral of the story: I reached my own fulfillment on my own, and I no longer feel jealous of the “new year, new me, new goals” overload that I was bombarded with online****.
ANYWAY, here are some snazzy pictures that my fantastic friend Roya took of me three weeks ago that have NOTHING to do with this post, but made me happy, and on that very weak segue let’s move on.
Vegan moto jacket/ AE (really old) // Turtleneck/Join Life by Zara (sustainably sourced line by Zara) // Skirt/Primark (5 years old) // Boots/ Ivanka Trump
I bought those Ivanka Trump boots in 2014, when supporting the Trump family did not make me gag, nor did it mean anything yet compared to today’s American society. I also cannot just get rid of them, since that would go against my ethical fashion beliefs and they are vegan suede and I really like them and I am getting good wear out of them. That is all I have to say.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
**** PS. I still have tabs open with Google results for “internet detoxing” and “how to get off the grid like Ron Swanson”
I wish you guys positivity and light this year!